Obama Car Requirements
President Obama announced that he wants cars to average 35.5 miles per gallon by 2016. Here are some of his other requirements for the cars of the near future:
All cars must have an Obama ’08 sticker affixed to the bumper by 2014.
All fuel efficient cars will run partially on the life they suck out of you when you drive them.
Since GM will have to import cars from China to meet these standards, and all UAW employees have to keep their jobs at GM, UAW employees must be paid to sit briefly on the hood of each Chinese car, ensure it passes the butt-stress test.
People who opt to drive V-8 powered muscle cars will automatically be put on the list of dangerous extremists.
All cars will be equipped with built-in teleprompters, just in case the President needs a ride.
All cars should fall completely apart after two years, requiring you to buy a newer, more efficient car. This is more stringent than our current standard of American cars falling apart after five years.
All cars must be chemically emasculated in order to reach full fuel efficiency and low emissions.
All cars will be equipped with a device that delivers a slap to the driver’s face for every five hours that carbon is emitted from the vehicle and scolds them for destroying the planet.
All SUVs must be turned in for disassembly; unless it’s part of a Presidential convoy.
Joe Lindseed of Freemont, Kentucky, is required to replace the hood of his 1978 Chevy Monte Carlo with one that matches the color of the rest of his car by 2013.
President Obama announced that he wants cars to average 35.5 miles per gallon by 2016. Here are some of his other requirements for the cars of the near future:
All cars must have an Obama ’08 sticker affixed to the bumper by 2014.
All fuel efficient cars will run partially on the life they suck out of you when you drive them.
Since GM will have to import cars from China to meet these standards, and all UAW employees have to keep their jobs at GM, UAW employees must be paid to sit briefly on the hood of each Chinese car, ensure it passes the butt-stress test.
People who opt to drive V-8 powered muscle cars will automatically be put on the list of dangerous extremists.
All cars will be equipped with built-in teleprompters, just in case the President needs a ride.
All cars should fall completely apart after two years, requiring you to buy a newer, more efficient car. This is more stringent than our current standard of American cars falling apart after five years.
All cars must be chemically emasculated in order to reach full fuel efficiency and low emissions.
All cars will be equipped with a device that delivers a slap to the driver’s face for every five hours that carbon is emitted from the vehicle and scolds them for destroying the planet.
All SUVs must be turned in for disassembly; unless it’s part of a Presidential convoy.
Joe Lindseed of Freemont, Kentucky, is required to replace the hood of his 1978 Chevy Monte Carlo with one that matches the color of the rest of his car by 2013.
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